Nihilophiliac Cuddlebunny

1.) “The Devils Sling””*
2.) “Friendly Mr. Skarrington””*
3.) “Angry Professor Scythian”””*
4.) “Nihilophiliac Cuddle-bunny”””
5.) “Slut Machine: I””


• This authentic replication of a -Primitive Torture Device- dates originally from circa 666 B.C.E, and was used by the invading hordes of Scythians to disembowel and rape, in that order, the opposing tribes’ women,

• it went by various names in the Middle Ages including (see above),

• was owned for a time by the Royal Academy of Natural Philosophy until 1666 when it was confiscated in the name of the Inquisition for use upon pain of death as Thomas Hobbes’sentence for the charge of blasphemy after the publication of Leviathan,

• it was rediscovered during the excavation of the C.E.R.N. Large Hadron Collider Site in Switzerland,

• and is fully functional for a capacity of no more than 150 lbs.